Peaceful Preferences
Instructions for making decisions that minimize regret
I think regret is preventable. Regret is caused by not processing gut feelings (hesitations, inclinations, hunches, and curiosities).
Intuition heuristics:
- "It's a good opportunity but I'm hesitant" -> Regret
- "I can't explain it but it feels right for me" -> Glad
- "I should do it but I don't want to" -> Regret
- "It seems silly but I like it" -> Glad
My theory: regret is the future form of unprocessed emotions. If you make a decision while conflicted with unprocessed emotions, those emotions return as regret.
How it works
Before a decision where you feel conflict, pause and digest all those emotions. Once you feel mostly neutral, sense which choice feels most peaceful. Do that one.
Instructions
- Notice you're in a decision with inner conflict: e.g. whenever you say "I should" or notice a strong craving or urgency.
- Say out loud: "I should do {X}, my impulse is to do {Y}."
- Talk back to yourself out loud: "You should {x}, because {guess at why this matters to you}." Reflect back your shoulds and impulses without arguing. (Or if you know resonance, do self-resonance.)
- Repeat until you feel emotionally neutral.
- Take some space (big decision: revisit in a week; small: 60 seconds).
- Say: "I should do {x}, my impulse is to do {y}, and my peaceful preference is to do {a}." Notice if it feels true. If unsure, it's probably not - try inverting the sentence to check.
Quotes from my friends
Ben Pan said: "I think that's one of the most life changing things I've learned, how to reach peaceful preference between your subconscious and conscious mind"
Maile Minardi said: "Peaceful Preferences are now my roadmap for all parts of my day here are a few small examples that FELT SO GOOD to choose"
"But on some decisions you just gotta use logic ya?" No, this is a way of allowing your gut to synthesize all the information in your brain and emotions. Integrate/process/feel all the logic/shoulds. That way you get all the info from your brain and your gut.
"Peaceful intuition vs fear/impulse vs wishful thinking?" Peaceful preference feels clear, grounded, relaxed, non-urgent. Fear/impulse often feels constricted and urgent. Wishful thinking might feel exciting but non-grounded/non-relaxed. If it feels urgent and your conscious mind has major logical hesitations, it's impulsive, if it's relaxed and your conscious mind has no major objections, it's likely a peaceful pref.
Examples
Next steps
It'll take about maybe 10-15 decisions of using this before you hit the magic moment where it clicks.
Practice with small fast-feedback-loop low-stakes decisions: food, clothing, tweets, emails, exercise, shopping, texts, social event decisions.
See also: Resonance