![[chris-barber-image.png|60]] I'm Chris & this is an overview of resonance. I’m the CEO of an executive coaching marketplace that’s served hundreds of VC-backed startups. This is my number one emotional tool. It takes about an hour of practice to get to a medium skill level, but you can get the basics in a few minutes. ### Resonance is an emotional regulation tool. People use resonance to help others process big emotions. People use it to help their partner, kids, and close friends and family. It's kind of like an upgraded version of active listening. Technically it’s something like “interpersonal emotional regulation via attunement and high intensity mirroring or validation.” Here's a 24 second video of me resonating my son. <div style="max-width: 300px;"> <div style="position: relative; padding-bottom: 177.77777777777777%; height: 0;"> <iframe src="https://www.loom.com/embed/549bfa2c9ee447aba15c9430305cfca7?sid=b2e12aa8-522a-4b63-8956-6767747510f2" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen style="position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%;"> </iframe> </div> </div> ### Instead of trying to fix someone's emotions or give them advice, resonance uses copy statements, guesses, and exaggerations. ❌ "Oh, have you thought about this solution or that solution?" ❌ "Oh, that's not a problem because of this reason or that reason!" ❌ "Oh, don't worry, you don't need to be upset, it's okay!" ❌ **Reassurance** ❌ **Explanations** ❌ **Fixing** ❌ **Advice** Resonance uses: ✅ **Copy Statements:** repeat some of what they're saying ✅ **Guesses:** guess what they're thinking or implying but not saying ✅ **Exaggerations:** repeat your Copy/Guess but with more intensity until the emotion processes Resonance vs Active Listening: * Copy statements - High similarity, though resonance focuses more on using some of their exact words, and less on paraphrasing. * Guess statements - Medium similarity, though resonance focuses more on saying what they're thinking in their words, whereas active listening might focus more on labeling or paraphrasing. * Exaggerations - Low similarity. | Tools | They feel understood | They feel seen | They feel emotionally regulated | | ------------------------------------------------ | -------------------- | -------------- | ------------------------------- | | Reassuring, Explaining, Fixing, or Giving Advice | ❌ | ❌ | ❌ | | Copy statements | ✅ | ❌ | ❌ | | Copy + guess statements | ✅ | 🆗 | ❌ | | Copy + guess + exaggeration statements | ✅ | ✅ | ✅ | > ![[prasanna_circular_noresize.png|30]] Prasanna's explanation of resonance: Sometime we have such high energy emotions that we get blocked on releasing them. When someone else builds an emotional bridge with us, it lets us let go of the emotions. Resonance is the technique that allows you to do that with words and expressions, in three steps to build the bridge - heard, seen and resonated/released. ### These are quotes from my friends about how they use resonance. People mostly use it with their partner. Other common uses are with kids, coaching clients, cofounders, friends, and themselves ("self-resonance"). **People in relationships:** > ![[josh-singer.png|40]] "I use it 70% with partner, cofounder 5%, team members 20%, others 5%" – Josh Singer > ![[griffin-choe.png|40]] "it's been helpful for feeling more peaceful about work and future trajectory, and in relationship with family" – Griffin Choe > ![[george-zeng.png|40]] "for me (1) it's wanting to make my partner feel emotionally validated. maybe a distant (2) helping me build trust and resonance in professional relationships" – George Zeng **People who are really into personal growth, or coaches or similar:** > ![[nina-barber 1.png|40]] "I feel like IFS (internal family systems) and other stuff fell short, I understood the triggers but they didn't go away. But resonance once I was aware and had practiced a bunch was clear it was the path to reducing a lot of triggers" – my wife Nina **And some other use cases (mostly helping close friends, or helping themselves):** > ![[josh-singer.png|40]] "I think it would drastically change the next year of our business." – Josh Singer (resonance with co-founders) > "for me it's about unsticking emotions for myself and my friends when I am frustrated or not sure what to do about something" – my brother > "when people around me are not doing so hot i can help them more" "this shit works bro" – Justin Yang (supporting friends) > ![[herrick-fang.png|40]] it's helped with "how to make myself feel better about which choices i wanna take" and "has helped me identify if i actually do/do not want to do something" – Herrick Fang > "I just textbook resonated and it worked so well" – my sister (she's a nurse and uses it to help patients) > ![[josh-singer.png|40]] "I find it most useful in helping people deal with their raw emotions" – Josh Singer >![[ben_circular_noresize.png|40]] "I think it's one of the most useful skills I've ever learned. And I think it'll just get better and better." – Ben Pan